HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE

Dir. David Yates UK/USA 2010

"These are dark times. There is no denying."

I've been a big fan of the Harry Potter books for a long while now, longer than I'd have thought. My sister received the first three as a Christmas present when I was about 13 or so. I read them all just in time for the hype to kick-off big time when the fourth book came out in 2000. Since then I've re-read them multiple times in preparation for each subsequent book all the way through to the final installment in 2007. I enjoyed the Deathly Hallows just as much as any of the other ones, but have yet to revisit it since my first time reading, making it the book I remember least, despite it being the most recent. Additionally, even though I've seen all the films as they've come out, I rarely ever revisit them after experiencing them in theatres, so I went into this film feeling about as unprepared as I could when it comes to something I like so much.

A lot of people accused this movie of being boring, and I can kind of see where they're coming from. It's 2+ hours worth of set-up for a payoff that you know is going to be awesome but you don't get to see. And the leisurly pacing of the film makes it feel like you're watching an incredibly long first act, and then the movie ends right as the second act begins. It is a bit frustrating. However, if any of these movies should be made for fans of the books, it's these last two. If you've made it this far through the movies and still haven't read the books, that's your crappy decision.

There's still plenty to like here. These final films (by which I mean 5, 6 and this one) all feel like a cohesive whole thanks to David Yates. And although he sacrifices some of the wonder of the early films for a grimmer, more down-to-earth tone, I think that's a wise decision given the dire circumstances of the later books. The last film was deservedly nominated for an Oscar for cinematography, and although Yates had a different cinematographer for this film, it still looks incredible. This is the first film that is able to escape the environment of Hogwarts and Yates takes full advantage of this, giving us sweeping vistas of cliffs, fields and forests as the trio goes on the run from Voldemort and the Death Eaters. Never forgetting that the film takes place in the fall, Yates blankets the entire movie in a chilly autumn atmosphere that gives a lot of texture and depth to otherwise minimalist scenes of the kids hanging out and looking depressed. The movie also had really great sound design. The lack of music and the amplified breathing during the chase sequence in the woods was strange but incredibly effective. And I don't care what anyone says, I liked the Nick Cave scene. A nice carry over of the minimilist motif to the sound effects and just letting the music carry the emotions.

Speaking of which, even thought the story requires them all to play pretty much the same note the entire movie (irritated and frightened), the kids all feel more natural in this film than they have in the past. Their interaction with each other seems genuine, Emma Watson has stopped acting entirely with her (admittedly adorable) eyebrows and Daniel Radcliffe is a lot more subtle than he was even two movies ago. Rupert Grint has kind of always been great. I wish he hadn't been absent for half the film. The parade of British thespians playing the adults are great as always. Kind of pissed Brendan Gleeson died off screen, even if that is how it happened in the book. Ralph Fiennes continues to kick complete ass as Voldemort and even thought he's only in one scene, Alan Rickman is always a pleasure as Snape. He should have way more to do in the next movie, so I'm looking forward to that. And the less I say about how disturbingly attractive I find Helena Bonham Carter's Bellatrix, the better.

These movies have been dark since 3 and 4, but this movie is definitely going to be The Temple Of Doom for a whole generation of little Potter fans. The opening scene, with the woman hovering above the table was emotionally grueling as is but at the end of it when Voldemort FEEDS HER CORPSE TO HIS FUCKING SNAKE I knew this movie wasn't screwing around. Between that, the second scene in Godric's Hollow with the snake (which actually made me jump) and the gruesome depiction of what Apparating is actually like (it was describe as being disturbing in the books, but the movie got that across much more effectively). It's nice to see them going for the gusto with the violence; it's what the material deserves. And again, it should make the last movie pretty crazy.

Overall, this movie was pretty risky. Between the violence, Nick Cave, one of the major action sequences/plot movements happening with extras standing in for the main characters, it's actually pretty wild that they were able to pull all this off in a multi-billion dollar franchise. Sorry if this review seems haphazard, I'm kind of out of it, and like I said, I'm a bit rusty on my Harry Potter intensity. I'm going to try to re-read the 7th book by the time the final flick comes out. I don't want to struggle to wrap this up, so I'm going to do my stray observations thing that I usually save for the TV reviews.

Stray Observations:

- Considering that I didn't like Dobby all that much in the books and he was only in the 2nd movie and this one, his swan song was incredibly well done in the movie. I got a little faklempt.

- Another reason it helps to have accomplished British actors in these movies: the immense swaths of exposition that are just dumped in your lap every twenty minutes or so.

- Holy crap, how awesome was the animated sequence? I'd never heard of Ben Hibon, the Swiss animator who directed that sequence, but I would like his feature length debut now please.

- I greatly prefer the wild west style wand shoot outs in this film to the more formal fencing-style duels of the early films. I hope they just go for broke and have someone duel wielding wands in the next movie, even if it didn't happen in the book.

UP NEXT: How To Train Your Dragon and those Kurasawa movies, whenever I get around to watching them.

THE WALKING DEAD Episode 1.5

"Wildfire"

Sundays 10pm AMC

Well, that was pretty unexpected.

The Walking Dead has proven to be both great and inconsistant during its short run and more than any previous episode, this one was an excellent example of both. Fair warning, this review will have fairly big spoilers for some of the broader, long-term elements of the comic book.

The final act of last nights episode took a turn which, depending on how it plays out, could be another interesting diversion or an entirely new direction for the series. For now, I'm betting on the former, but I wouldn't rule the latter out entirely. But before we get to that, there's still the first two-thirds of the episode to discuss.

Beginning the morning after the zombie attack of the previous episode, this episode opens with the camp picking up the pieces and deciding what to do next. Three major plot threads are followed here: Andrea grieving over Amy's corpse, the revelation that Jim is infected and his subsequent sickness, and a confrontation between Rick and Shane about what their next move should be.

My favorite of these three plotlines was the Andrea/Amy one. Despite mine and my roommates annoyance at the idea that Andrea (one of the savviest characters from the comics) would be dumb enough to be huddled over the corpse of a soon-to-be zombie without having taken the necessary precautions, it ended up being a worthwhile set-up to one of my favorite sequences in the show so far. The analogous scene in the book plays out over three or four panels, but Andrea's irrational grief subsumes the entire episode as she threatens the other survivors at gunpoint when they attempt to remove Amy's body. The horror fully kicks in, however, when Amy begins to take short raspy breaths and her hands begin to twitch and tremble. What follows is as harrowing as it is touching and provides yet another example of how the show does a great job of providing the necessary beats of a zombie story with room to breathe and grow beyond what they would be in a film.

The Jim storyline functions in a similar manner, if not with the same degree of success. Jim succumbing to the sickness is fairly by the numbers, but his final fate is a nicely subdued change of pace from how similar situations play out in other zombie stories. It's faithful to the comic and with good reason.

The Rick and Shane plotline utilizes elements of the comic, but at this point it seems as though Shane will be sticking around in the show for a bit longer than he did in the comic. The scene in the comic where Shane considers shooting Rick comes to a much less ambiguous conclusion than it did here, but the strong portrayal of Shane by Jon Bernthal and the added wrinkle of Dale growing suspicious of Shane's dark intentions holds promise for a bigger payoff down the line.

Following all this, the group make the collective decision to leave the camp and attempt to locate the CDC, which they believe may provide a safe haven from the plague. Their leaving of the camp, complete with musical montage, felt very much like the end of an episode, both thematically and aesthetically, so it was a bit odd when the episode continued on for another 15 minutes. Pacing is not really one of this shows strengths.

Odder still is what followed: we are treated to video diary of a lone scientist (played by talented character actor Noah Emmerich) working with human brain tissue in the CDC. His choppy video recording speaks of a contagin-code named "Wildfire" and his attempts to find a cure. He slips into suicidal despair when an accident in the lab destroys most of his samples and is only shaken out of it when Rick and the others arrive seeking shelter.

I had pretty mixed feelings about this whole development. One the one hand, it seems obvious that they would check out the CDC during a zombie apocalypse, since it is actually right outside Atlanta. This is never even brought up in the comics and in retrospect it seems like it should have been. So it's some nice ret-conning on the shows part in that regard.

On the other hand, depending on how it plays out, it may cause some major diversions from the comic. The video log from the scientists perspective was jarring because in the comic, we never see, know or experience anything that isn't from the perspective of Rick and the other survivors (except one issue that I can think of). Furthermore, the comic book has yet to (and may never) give us any insight into what caused the plague, whether the government had attempted to cure it or anything like that. I always found this to be a smart move on Kirkman's part, since any plausible explanation he could think of would have almost certainly been done in a previous zombie story, and the characters ignorance of the situation on a global level goes a long way toward maintaining the realism of the comic. As I said earlier, this could just end up being a one episode diversion before they get back on track to the main plot of the comic, but given that next week is the season finale, I feel like the easiest way to generate a cliffhanger will involve taking this in completely new direction. Not that that's a bad thing. I just hope the scientist actually tells them what he knows. I don't need this to be Lost all over again. His introduction was weirdly Desmond-ish.

Stray observations:

- Although Melissa McBride is making Carol more interesting than I ever found her in the comic, the scene of her taking a pick-ax to Ed to keep him from reanimating was a bit over the top. I get that it was supposed to be cathartic, but the amount of gore they used made it come off as goofy when it was supposed to be emotional.

- So I guess we're going to have to wait til next season for some resolution with Merle? Doesn't seem likely that they'll squeeze him into the last episode. However, my roommate heard a theory online that Merle may end up becoming The Governor. If you're a fan of the comic, let that roll around in your head a bit. It makes a shocking amount of sense.

- I found it weird that Noah Emmerich was the only guy left in the CDC. The place wasn't destroyed or anything so I assume it was never overrun at any point. Where did everyone else go?

- Carl really needs more to do than cry. He's really lagging in terms of the characterization he's given in the comic, even at this early stage.

- So long, boring Hispanic family. I don't think we'll really miss you.

STREET KINGS / BROOKLYN'S FINEST

Dir. David Ayer USA 2008

Dir. Antoine Fuqua USA 2010

Beginning with Training Day in 2001, director Antoine Fuqua and writer David Ayer began a cycle of visually realistic, but narratively ridiculous police dramas set in a hyper-stylized alternate Los Angeles where everyone is either a dirty cop or a Mexican gangbanger. Althought Training Day still holds up (mostly thanks to Denzel's Oscar-winning performance and a strong turn from Ethan Hawke), subsequent films by the pair, made together or separately, haven't faired so well. My dim memories of 2002's Dark Blue aren't particularly good and Ayer's 2005 directorial debut Harsh Times featured a great performance by Christian Bale and little else of note. Ayer drives his LA films to their inevitable nadir with Street Kings, while Fuqua relocates to New York City with Brooklyn's Finest. The results are...not great.

Street Kings stars Keanu Reeves as Tom Ludlow, an alcoholic LAPD detective still mourning the death of his wife. As the point man for an elite (aren't they always) vice squad run by his old friend Captain Jack Wander (an unbelievably hammy Forrest Whitaker), Ludlow's life begins to unravel when he becomes a suspect in the murder of his former partner (an unbelivably terrible Terry Crews) and the target of an internal affairs investigation led by Wander's rival (Hugh Laurie). With the help of the young homicide detective (Chris Evans) investigating the murder, Ludlow uncovers a police consipiracy that could...tear the department apart? Get him killed? Go all the way to the top? All of the above?

Street Kings was born in the late 90's as a script by James Ellroy (writer of LA Confidential) originally titled The Night Watchman. I wish that had remained the title, because it would have been way less awkward having characters shoe-horn in the phrase "The Night Watchman" than it was having to hear them keep talking about "Street Kings" and "Kings of the Streets". This film pretty much proves that the only reason David Ayer was successful before was because a) his previous films had decent actors to elevate his shitty dialogue and hackneyed premises and b) because The Wire wasn't around to show people how much better cop movies can be without ridiculous cliches. The film, like so many others, insulates the actions and motivations of police officers from the rest of the world to such a degree that it makes it impossible to take them seriously when they're abusing suspects, killing each other and generally treating LA like the wild west. The amount of cop-on-cop violence in this film outweighs the violence between cops and criminals by a large margin. If the events of this film were true, they'd probably shut down the LAPD and rebuild it from the ground up.

It's incredibly easy to make fun of Keanu Reeves, which is why I always felt kind of cheap doing it. And while he makes an effort here, getting his face all puffy to accurately reflect his alcoholism, he's just not believable as a badass in any kind of realistic context. It works in the video game world of the Matrix movies, but watching him spit ethnic slurs and kick the shit out of gangbangers just made me uncomfortable. He gets props for trying though, which is more than I can say for Forrest Whitaker, who gives an absurdly over the top performance here, bugging his eyes out, gesticulating wildly with his hands and breathlessly screaming most of his lines regardless of context. It ended up being kind of fun by the end, but it goes a long way toward making the movie completely unbelievable. Hugh Laurie and Chris Evans auto-pilot their way through the film and come out relatively unscathed (althought Evans character was given the dubious last name of Diskant, a desicion that seems to be exclusively motivated by the desire for Keanu Reeves' character to nickname him "Disco"). Of the few non-actors in the mix, Common acquits himself well, although his part amounts to little more than a cameo and Terry Crews really, really can't act. Also, you know who's really not believable as a violent, corrupt vice cop? Jay Mohr. Good job, casting director. Good job.

Although Brooklyn's Finest is certainly a better film than Street Kings, you can see how that's a bit of a backhanded complement. If anything, it's a more disappointing film because it's much more ambitious and stars much better actors, but still kind of blows.

Set in some theoretically crappy part of Brooklyn that I've never been to/may be entirely fictional, Brooklyn's Finest is an anthology film of sorts, following the lives of three NYPD officers who's stories end up intersecting in the same housing project. Ethan Hawke plays Sal, a narcotics detective who has been stealing money recovered during drug busts in the hopes of being able to afford a new house for his ever-expanding brood of Italian Catholic children and his sickly, pregnant wife (Lili Taylor). Don Cheadle is Tango, an undercover narcotics detective who has begun to lose himself in his longtime role as a drug lieutenant. Richard Gere plays Eddie, a single, alcoholic beat cop who's one week from retirement and passes his time with a beautiful hooker named Chantel. All three men must make difficult moral decisions as they struggle to keep themselves alive and protect those closest to them.

A more accomplished director than David Ayer, Fuqua brings a bit more skill to the table in Brooklyn's Finest. While stylized, the film is still set in something resembling the real world and even the supporting roles are filled with excellent character actors (For all you Wire fans out there, Omar, Wee-Bey and Clay Davis are all in this movie). The action is bloody and well-shot and the dialogue, while not Oscar-worthy, is far more passable than Street Kings. Unfortunately, the movie is not without it's other problems.

The biggest issue I had with this film was that it bit off way more than it could chew. At 2 hours and 12 minutes, it still feels thin and incomplete. This mostly stems from the fact that any of the three plotlines in this film could have stood on its own as a 90 minute movie and would have probably been better for it. Each of the stories is peppered with various cliches and problems, but mashing them all together only adds to this flaw. Furthermore, trying to give equal balance to the storylines completely screws with the pacing of the film, abandoning one storyline for the other two for twenty minutes or more. The fact that the stories have almost nothing to do with each other until the last 10 minutes of the film doesn't help either. I was able to see how each plot line could be interesting and was supposed to be interesting, but I was never really given enough time to latch onto one. I would say I found the Don Cheadle storyline the most compelling (probably because it featured the most interesting actors), but even that was like watching a watered-down version of Donnie Brasco. The Richard Gere plot had the most satisfying ending, but I've never found Gere particularly compelling as a actor and nothing he showed here did much to change that. I usually really like Ethan Hawke (and the actor playing his best friend, Brian F. O'Byrne), but I had a lot of trouble sympathizing with his character. The fact that his wife was being made sick by the mold in their house is legitimate on paper, but was kind of stupid in the film and I can't muster any sympathy for people who can't afford to raise 8 kids. Condoms aren't expensive and religious bullshit doesn't fly as an excuse.

Amusing side note: Wesley Snipes plays Caz, Don Cheadle's childhood friend/target, a man who was just released from prison and becomes increasing desperate in his efforts not to go back. Given Wesley Snipes recently publicized troubles and his pussy attitude toward the whole thing, it added a nice little layer that wouldn't have been present otherwise.

I wouldn't strongly recommend either of these movies, even with my somewhat forgiving standards for the genre. Checkout Joe Carnahan's 2002 gem Narc or Curtis Hanson's 1997 masterpiece LA Confidential if you're looking for a great cop movie. Or just watch The Wire.

UP NEXT: I saw the new Harry Potter flick this weekend as well as How To Train Your Dragon. I'm also sitting on two Akira Kurasawa film from Netflix, Stray Dog and Drunken Angel.

THE WALKING DEAD Episode 1.4

"Vatos"

Sunday 10pm AMC

I really can't wait for this show to find its footing. It's so close, and yet, every other episode seems weaker than the previous. A sophomore slump was to be expected after the amazing premire, but the fantastic third episode had me hoping that the show was ready to take off and never look back. This fourth episode, while by no means bad, spent most of its time on a not particularly interesting diversion that will probably have no bearing on the long term plot of the series. Which is not to say it was without its moments. Holy crap, that ending. And beginning for that matter. (There's going to be lots of spoilers for this episode by the way, and some foreshadowing of what's coming in the comic. You've been warned).

This episode was mostly strange in that what should have been the A-plot ended up being the B-plot and vice versa. While Rick, Glenn, Daryl and (sigh) T-Dog continued their search for Merle and the bag of guns in Atlanta and provided most of the action, the subplot at the camp, in which everyone becomes unnerved by Jim's new-found hobby of digging graves on the hillside and not telling anyone why, was much more unsettling and interesting. But more on that later.

The episode opens with a beautifully shot and wonderfully acted scene between sisters Andrea (Laurie Holden) and Amy (Emma Bell) regarding fishing and their father. The serenity of the setting (they're in a boat on a perfectly still lake) and their meandering conversation are light-years removed from what is ostensibly the major appeal of the show, which is a testament to how necessary scenes like this are in keeping the characters from being only cannon fodder (as the ending demonstrates in a horrifying fashion). Combined with the grueling sequence in which Jim's backstory is revealed, I had no trouble saying that my favorite parts of this episode were happening back at the camp, not in Atlanta.

Speaking of Atlanta. While trying to retrieve the guns (via a well-thought-out plan by Glenn in another of those great "this is what we're doing and how we're doing it scene" from producer Frank Darabont), Glenn is kidnapped by a gang of Latino survivors (the 'vatos' of the title) and taken back to a fortress-like warehouse. Prepared to recover him by force, Rick and the others discover that the gangsters are actually protecting a nursing home that had been abandoned during the evacuation. While it was satisfying to not have the show go with the obvious schtick of them actually being barbarian gangsters or whatever-the-fuck, the whole thing did end up coming off as pretty cheesy. The entire plot is absent in the comic book and I'm reasonably certain we'll never hear from these characters again. While none of this was offensively bad, I'd much rather have spent more time with Rick and Glenn and even Daryl, who's really growing on me (I especially loved that he had no problem admitting Glenn's plan was a good one while still referring to him as a 'Chinaman").

I was also hoping for some resolution with Merle, but not only does that not happen this week, but we are told that Merle somehow stole the truck they used to return to Atlanta and that he's mostly likely headed to the camp for revenge. Assuming this is true, Rick and company were still able to make it back to the camp on foot just in time to fend off a zombie attack that nearly overwhelms the survivors. This was a excellent action sequence, frightening and well-shot with plenty of gore and headshots to appease the people who're only watching the show for the action. A couple of redshirts were knocked off as well as Carol's douchebag husband and (sadly) Amy. Laurie Holden completely killed me with her performance as she cradled her dying sister and completely confirmed my hopes that one of my favorite characters is in the hands of an extremely competent actress. It was a strong ending for an uneven episode and will hopefully set the stage for some harrowing drama in the final two episodes.

Stray Observations:

- Assuming they stick with the pacing of the comic (which has pretty much been like clockwork so far), there shouldn't be any more trips to Atlanta. Hopefully that'll keep the budget down and allow them to focus on the characters instead of the zombies.

- The scene between Andrea and Dale in the RV was nice to see for a bunch of reasons. I'll keep my mouth shut for now.

- I don't usually notice sound mixing in things, but this show deserves an Emmy for it (if there is one). The sounds of crickets and stuff are almost oppressive in the scenes set at the camp. Rather than being annoying, it actually creates a really nice sense of atmosphere.

- As much as I wanted them to use this badass fanmade credit sequence for the opening titles, Bear McCreary's opening theme gives me chills every time it fades in over the end of the cold open. Great way to set the tone each episode.

- Was anybody else expecting Amy to just pop back up in the last scene? The comic was never super consistent about the amount of time there is between someone dying and them coming back as a zombie; hopefully the show will fix that.

- This is the first and only episode of the season to be written by the creator of the comic, Robert Kirkman. It is nice to see him go back and fill out some stuff that could have been in the early issues of the comic. It's not so nice to be reminded how clunky some of his dialogue is, even when filtered through actors.

THE WALKING DEAD Episode 1.3

"Tell It To The Frogs"

10pm Sundays AMC

Now that's more like it.

After a slightly shaky second episode, The Walking Dead has come roaring back with a comparatively low-key episode that still manages to be emotionally engaging at every turn while continuing to blend the comic with new ideas.

The opening scene of this episode went a long way toward humanizing Merle, who was pretty much a racist cartoon character in the second episode. Not only was his plight objectively horrifying, but Michael Rooker really got into the role, turning from delusional and pathetic to vicious desperation on a dime. Pretty frightening stuff. Also debuting in this episode is Merle's brother Daryl, in a sequence involving a dead deer that's adapted well from the comic. Played by Norman Reedus (who I kind of made fun of in my Boondock Saints review), Daryl is an equally venomous, but significantly more competent version of his brother and his explosive, spur-of-the-moment characterization suits Reedus' acting style well. I don't know that either character will stick around, but I'm definitely more comfortable with their presence now than I was after the last episode.

In terms of major plot development, the big event would be Rick's arrival at the camp and his reunion with Lori and Carl. It was a very important moment and Andrew Lincoln sold every second of it, going for big emotion without veering into cheap sentimentality. The moment where he grabs Carl and hugs him was one of the most touching moments I've seen on film in a while. The episode takes its time with their reunion, mostly by way of a lengthy scene between Lori and Rick in their tent. It bodes well for the show's future (the comic contains a lot of zombie-less arguing and talking down the line) that it can execute scenes like this as well as it does here. Sarah Wayne Callis does a nice job of mingling Lori's relief and joy over Rick's return with the guilt and fear she feels over her affair with Shane. Despite her somewhat unfair and impractical treatment of Shane later in the episode (and the fact that she looks like a weird combination of Mary Louise Parker and Anna Gunn), having an actress bring life to the role is going a long way toward making Lori more likable than she was in the comic (where she's pretty much always either nagging Rick or needing to be protected by him). I do wish there had been more interaction between Rick and Carl in this episode, but I'm assuming that'll happen soon. Despite his increased screen presence in this episode, I still can't get a good read on whether or not that kid is a decent actor.

Shane, having found himself usurped from the position of power, both in the group and in Lori's life, spectacularly takes his anger out on Carol's abusive husband Ed (alluded to but never shown in the comics), by way of a savage beating which, despite being well deserved, is played for horror and done very well. One of the major themes of the comic is that the behavior of the survivors can end up being just as horrific as that of the zombies and this scene was an excellent indicator of that.

Most of the zombie action this week was deferred in favor of scenes at the camp, but it seemed to set-up next week as being pretty action heavy. Having Rick go back not only for the guns (which was the only goal in the comic), but for Merle and the walkie-talkies as well, was a good move and layered some interesting moral elements into the arguement regarding going back into Atlanta. I also really hope T-Dog dies. He seems like he could be a surrogate for Tyresse, an awesome character from the comic who shows up a bit further down the line, and I'll be pretty pissed if they just watered him down and saddled him with a stupid name instead of getting him right.

This one's a bit short. I really need to start writing these as soon as possible after the episode airs. I wait all week and my memories get jumbled and less precise. I watched Total Recall for the first time last weekend and never got around to reviewing it and by now I feel like I wouldn't have anything meaningful or coherent to say about it. Blogging is hard, you guys.

THE BOONDOCK SAINTS / THE BOONDOCK SAINTS II: ALL SAINTS DAY

Dir. Troy Duffy USA 1999

Dir. Troy Duffy USA 2009

It's always strange revisiting something you were obsessed with in your youth. Some things hold up. Others are better left in the past, forever remembered through the hazy lens of time and lower standards. I was about 15 years old when my older cousin told me about The Boondock Saints. The film had been set for release in 1999, but like Fight Club, American Psycho and a number of other better films, it's success was derailed by the Columbine shooting in April of '99. Released on a limited number of screens, the film was a critical and commercial flop, but eventually found a substantial cult audience on DVD among men ages 15 to 35. My best friend and I bought the DVD on my cousin's recommendation and literally watched it twice in a row. It ended, we looked at each other, nodded, and hit play again. By the end of our senior year, just about every guy at our high school had seen the movie. Everyone knew the prayer by heart. It was kind of a big deal. I probably watched this movie a least a dozen times during my senior year. As of a week ago, I hadn't seen it in about 5 or 6 years. Despite my immense disappointment upon revisiting the film (which, frankly, I was expecting), I am glad to have grown enough as a person in the intervening years that I no longer identify with it.

I'm sure most guys in my age demographic have seen this movie some time in the last decade, but if you haven't, the plot unfolds thusly: Murphy and Connor McManus are fraternal twins/Irish immigrants living a crappy (yet glorified) working class existence in Boston. Following a deadly bar fight with a group of Russian mobsters and a subsequent vision from God to eradicate evil men from the world, the McManus brothers team up with their buddy Rocco, a Mafia delivery boy, to wipe out crime in Boston, Punisher-style. Arriving to assist the inept Boston PD in apprehending the brothers is flamboyant FBI agent Paul Smecker, played with gusto by Willem Dafoe. Tons of gratuitous violence ensues.

Even as a naive 15 year old, I was able to recognize that The Boondock Saints was just a Tarantino-esque pastiche of extreme violence, witty pop culture reference, overt religious symbolism (or should I say "symbology") and fractured chronology. At the same time, its scrappy DIY aesthetic and endlessly mugging sense of self-import struck a cord with a teenager who was excited to be on the front lines of an cult classic in the making. I don't begrudge my past self his enjoyment of the film (nor anyone elses), but upon revision, this film suffers for a number of reasons.

In case you didn't know, the primary reason behind the ten year gap between this movie and its sequel was the incredibly poor judgement of its writer/director Troy Duffy. As detailed in the documentary Overnight, Duffy's script were plucked from obscurity by Harvey Weinstein and Duffy himself was given a $15 million budget and near-complete control over the production of the film. His gross mismanagement of the profits the film generated, as well as his raging ego, obliterated any goodwill the film's underground success generated for him and ten years later, his finally making Boondock II feels more like an act of desperation rather than one of triumph. Knowing now what there is to know about Duffy, its extremely easy to see both his ego and general douchebaggery writ large across every aspect of the film itself. Beyond being derivative of Pulp Fiction, The Punisher and everything in between, the film almost cries out to be edited by an impartial observer, or at the very least, someone with good taste. For example, the opening credits play out over a scene in which the boys are working at their job at a meat-packing plant (because they're BLUE COLLAR) and are required to show the ropes to a new employee, a monstrous lesbian who proceeds to quickly take offense at Connor's use of the phrase 'rule of thumb' and kick him in the nuts. She is then felled in one punch by Murphy. Even if we ignored the fact that that's offensively stupid and granted that it's funny in principle, the entire sequence is inter-cut with shots of the Boston skyline, to the point that the conversation the characters are having is broken up line by line, completely throwing off any comedic timing the scene could hope to have. Here, look for yourself. See? That's where an editor should say "this isn't funny, it needs to be changed". Incidentially, for a movie that uses the story of Kitty Genovese as the first (and pretty much only) argument for its moral thesis, this film seems completely incapable of showing any woman the slightest ounce of respect. Literally every woman in the film who has a line of dialogue is physically or verbally abused in some way. Real classy there, Troy.

In retrospect, it is a bit difficult to see why I found this film funny or exciting in the first place. The action is poorly directed and makes the mistake of using slow motion to cover it up (that just makes it worse) and most of the humor comes from the character of Rocco, the brothers dim-witted sidekick, who is pretty much just an unfiltered mouthpiece for Duffy's tough guy bullshit. The brothers themselves fair slighly better. Sean Patrick Flannery does a decent enough job as Connor, but Norman Reedus (who may have one of the worst Irish accents I've ever heard) never really gets the hang of Duffy's unwieldy dialogue (which combines the pretentiousness of Tarantino's with the clumsy verbosity of Kevin Smith's, but lacks the charm of either) and sounds like he's reading it off cue cards half the time. Also Ron Jeremy's in it. His acting's about as good as you'd expect.

Indeed, the one bright spot in the film is Willem Dafoe, who manages to bring nuance and life to the mincing stereotype that is Agent Paul Smecker. I'm sure Duffy thought he was being incredibly progressive by including a competent gay character that thinks "cuddling is for fags", but Dafoe manages to work around Duffy's obliviousness and create a few moments that are still laugh-out-loud funny. And I guess the brothers prayer is pretty cool too. And Billy Connolly, who's in it for about 5 minutes.

I'm a bit surprised at how vicious this review has become so far. I'd have been better served saving some of my vitrol for the second film, which is significantly worse than the first. The second film finds the brothers returning from an exile in Ireland eight years after the events of the first film in order to avenge the murder of a priest. For starters, the beginning of the film doesn't jive with the ending of the first at all. At the end of the first film, they execute a Mafia boss in a crowded court room, declaring that they are going to take to the streets and never stop hunting down criminals and scum. A news report at the beginning of the second film claims that they disappeared after that incident and haven't been heard of since. What the fuck. Also, (and this is a bit superficial, but whatever) while Norman Reedus looks like he hasn't aged a day, the years have not been kind to Sean Patrick Flannery. Did he get plastic surgery or something? He looks like a completely different person.

It seems like Troy Duffy wanted to adhere to the usual 'bigger is better' maxim of sequels here, but that somehow got turned into 'remake the first movie, but change all the small details'. Instead of an Italian sidekick, they have a Mexican sidekick! (Now they get to say spic instead of guinea!) Instead of Willem Dafoe as a stereotypically gay investgator who listens to opera to focus on crime scenes, they have Julie Benz as a stereotypically Southern investigator who uses earplugs to focus on crime scenes! They're hunting the son of the Mafia boss from the previous film! There's even a scene in which they are saved by rope. Remember that? From the first one?

I will give special mention to Julie Benz who, while not a particularly strong actress, is someone I've always found charming and am happy to see in just about anything. Duffy shows surprising restrain in her costume design and the character would almost qualify as not ridiculous if she weren't a carbon copy of Dafoe's character from the first film. Also her belt-buckle gun holster looked really stupid. And jesus, that accent...

Throw in a downright embarrassing cameo by a respected veteran actor at the end (spoil it for yourself on IMDB if you like) and this thing was pretty much a complete shitfest. The only slightly redeeming performance in it is by Clifton Collins Jr. as their new sidekick. The fact that he's an actual actor allows him to bring a loopy sort of cartoon-character vibe to the part, putting him miles ahead of the annoying douchebag who played Rocco in the first one (Incidentally, Rocco reappears for a dream sequence in this film which basically amounts to a rejected Denis Leary stand-up routine and is, not to wear out the word, embarrassingly bad).

I actually didn't have as much fun writing this review as I thought I would. It's always a little heartbreaking when things you loved as a kid don't hold up to your standards as an adult. And I suppose one could accuse me of being an elitist douche with no sense of humor with regards to my review of these movies. But I'm sure Troy Duffy would agree that brutal honesty is a valuable characteristic of any manly man, from Duke Wayne on down. So believe I'm being honest when I say, Troy Duffy, that you are a shitty filmmaker.

UP NEXT: Two separate films by the guys who made Training Day: writer David Ayer's Street Kings and director Antoine Fuqua's Brooklyn's Finest. After that, I promise I'll review something that doesn't suck. Not that these will, necessarily.

THE WALKING DEAD Episode 1.2

"Guts"

Sundays 10pm AMC

"If bad ideas were an Olympic event this would take the gold"

If the first episode of The Walking Dead felt like a movie, the second episode definitely felt like a TV show. The production values are still high, but the direction, writing and acting have noticeably downshifted. This was to be expected, and it's certainly not a dealbreaker, but I expect more from this show and I hope it wastes no time in realizing it's full potential.

This episode picks up where the last one left off, with Rick being guided to safety from his hiding place in the tank by a group of survivors who have become trapped in a department store in Atlanta. Their escape from the department store makes up the bulk of the episode and lays bare many of the things that are very wrong and very right with this show so far.

Let's start off positive. I mentioned in the last review that one of the things Frank Darabont does best is scenes of people sitting around talking about what they're going to do. Even thought he didn't direct this episode, that aspect is still present throughout as the survivors meticulously hash out their plans for escaping the the department store. Rick actually ends up taking a back seat for the planning in favor of Glenn, a favorite character of mine from the comics, who makes his first appearence in this episode and is played with the perfect mix of humor and terrified exasperation by Steven Yuen. All of the plotting and action in this episode is a team effort by the characters and rings pleasantly true to a real life situation, rather than a movie plot where the protangonist would take charge and overshadow the other characters. In fact, this entire episode is devoted to "the clever escape", a fairly common sequence in zombie films (I just made up the name for it right now), in which the characters must go to extraordinary and unthinkable lengths to evade the undead. This scene would be about ten minutes of any zombie movie, so it was nice to see it stretched out to a full episode here.

This episode also does an excellent job of reworking scenes from the comic book into a more cinematic context. In the comic, Glenn and Rick utilize the zombie guts to mask their stench as they retrieve some guns and escape the city on foot. This fairly ghastly method is repurposed here into a episode-long escape sequence, incorporating everything from the slow-burn tension of them sneaking about amongst the zombies to a foot and car chase that was extremely well executed. This episode is also a great showcase for the zombies themselves. Given the recent resurgence in the genre, I wouldn't be surprised if there were some actors out there who make their living almost exclusively playing zombies. The people they got for this show are great, giving the zombies unique movement and expression and wringing plenty of terror from the whole slow/fast dyanamic they seem to be developing. Great stuff.

Other things are not so good. Of the half dozen characters that Rick encounters in this episode, only two are from the comics; the aforementioned Glenn, and Andrea (played by Laurie Holden, Darabont's leading lady from The Mist). Although Andrea is almost twenty years older than her comic book incarnation, her quiet moments with Rick in this episode and generally solid work from Holden have me convinced that they're going to do right by one of my favorite characters.

The other four characters? Ehhh. They pretty much scream redshirts. Morales and Jacqui are extremely flat and basically just mouthpieces for exposition. T-Dog is given a bit of pathos, but the actor is just as bland and Jesus Christ, T-Dog is a stupid name. The biggest disappointment, however, is Michael Rooker as Merle Dixon. Rooker is a solid character actor who is usually at his best when playing scummy bastards (Mallrats and Slither spring to mind as prime examples). So including him as a violent redneck seems like an obvious choice. Unfortunately, Merle is not so much a character but a caricature, a completely overblown stereotype of racist, crude hillbillies. The character is charmless with no redeeming qualities and it stretches the limits of credulity to not have the other characters just put one in his brain and be done with him. The character seems like a lazy way to shoehorn in tension amongst the survivors, which isn't particularly necessary given how much shit they're in to begin with.

Meanwhile, a scratchy radio conversation lets the people at the camp know that the other survivors are trapped and Shane makes the decision not to go after them. The scenes at the camp are being parceled out pretty slowly, which is a bit frustrating given that they include most of the characters I know from the book. Hopefully that will change next week. Props to the opening scene though which, despite having a pretty contrived set-up, made for the creepiest non-zombie-related shot of the show so far, with Lori and Shane having sex out of focus with Lori's wedding ring in the foreground.

So yeah. Not as good as the first episode, but not a sophomore slump. Tune it next week, when shit will hit the emotional fan.

Stray observations:

- Andrew Lincoln continues to kick ass as Rick, but I did notice his accent slip during his confrontation with Merle. Going from British to Southern is probably tough.

- The sequence where Rick memorializes the zombie they're about to chop up was...oddly timed but still kind of touching. Glenn throwing up was also hilarious.

- Rick grabs a grenade while he's inside the tank, but it's never brought up again. That doesn't happen in the comic so I'm very interested to see how that pays off.

STARSHIP TROOPERS / STARSHIP TROOPERS 3: MARAUDER

Dir. Paul Verhoeven USA 1997

Dir. Ed Neumeier USA 2008

"I've only got one rule. Everyone fights. No one quits. If you don't do your job, I'll kill you myself. Welcome to the Roughnecks."

I saw Starship Troopers for the first time in theatres in November of 1997 for my friend Pete Folan's twelfth birthday. My mom bought the tickets for us since it was rated R (this is back when you were allowed to do that apparently), left us at the theatre for two hours, then came back to get us. I distinctly remember leaving the theatre thinking that I had seen the greatest movie I was ever going to see. It had space marines. It had giant bugs. It had space marines and giant bugs killing the shit out of each other. It had a co-ed shower scene. I rest my twelve year old case.

Despite a well-deserved Oscar nomination for visual effects (which it lost to Titanic), the first Starship Troopers barely broke even upon release, so my desperate hopes for sequels manifested nearly a decade later in the form of two direct-to-DVD follow-ups. Following our decision to revisit the first one, my roommates and I decided to also watch the third one, which is the only sequel to feature a character from the original movie, namely Casper Van Dien's Johnny Rico. And while the third film was even worse that we were expecting, we were all delighted (yes, three mostly grown men were delighted) by the fact that the first one is just as good as we'd remembered, if not better.

When it was released in 1997, Starship Troopers was met with extremely mixed reviews. The effects, as I mentioned, were universally praised, but there seemed to be some confusion regarding what the film was trying to say and how it was saying it. While it seems clear in hindsight that the film is a ridiculous (although, surprisingly subtle when compared to the sequel) satire, the brazen sex and violence and the extremely earnest depiction of a fascist civilization must have been very off-putting to critics at the time. All of these elements, of course, went over my head when I watched it as a kid.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the film, it's based on a 1959 novel by Robert A. Heinlein, who wrote the book as a hawkish political statement regarding what he saw to be America's duty to maintain a strong nuclear program and thwart the spread of Communism. Within the context of science-fiction, the book popularized (if not invented) the concept of space marines and powered armor, which have been further explored in everything from James Cameron's Aliens to the Halo games.

The film takes the broad strokes of Heinlein's plot and twists them into a hilariously brutal satire of the ideas he was attempting to promote. In an unspecified distant future, mankind (now united under a single world government) is at war with a race of giant insects from the planet Klendathu. The film follows a group of high school friends as they graduate, enlist in various branches of the military and are exposed to the horrors of a war that they have little hope of winning. It doesn't sound too hilarious when you type it out like that, but trust me, it is.

Before I get into the more satirical elements of the film, I just wanted to point out a thought that occurred to me as I was rewatching this: The impetus for our heroes to enlist in the military is the destruction of Buenos Aires by the bugs (via asteroids; don't ask). They then find themselves in a poorly planned offensive against a cave-dwelling enemy that's smarter than they give it credit for and willing to fight beyond hope or reason in order to defend their world and culture. I'm curious to know how much of this they would have gotten away with if the film had been made in 2002 rather than 1997.

Anyway. Starship Troopers is set in a bizarrely imagined world that blends the wholesome, Leave It To Beaver values of 1950's America with the totalitarian, martial government of 1930's Germany. These two forms of opposing conservatism are linked together by a wide streak of what we would now consider liberal social policies. Racism and sexism do not seem to exist in this world (see the co-ed football teams/military/public showers) and the civilian populace, far from seeming oppressed, is full of extremely attractive, carefree folks who want to support their government and their troops. Combined with other social quirks, some surprisingly appealing (needing a license to have children), others somewhat less so (military service as a requirement for full citizenship), the world of Starship Troopers seems like a fair compromise between conservative and liberal ideals that, in reality, would probably leave neither side happy. The social utopia of the film is, of course, defined by the redirection of natural human antagonism toward an alien foe. Although the bugs are presented as incredibly vicious, sub-human monstrosities, the violently upbeat attitude of the humans toward the war almost makes you wonder if the bugs don't have a point. All of this is perfectly encapsulated in the newsfeed interludes inserted throughout the movie, in a weird precursor to our modern, internet-driven newscycle.

As a kid, I remember suffering through the first 20 or 30 minutes of this film, which seemed to me an episode of Beverly Hills 90210 set in the future. These stunningly beautiful high school kids, all played by actors in their late twenties and all very white despite living in Argentina (go globalization, I guess?), with their boring love triangles were merely obstacles on my path to blood and guts. I guess it's actually a love quadrangle, but whatever. The ludicrous pettiness of their romantic endeavors only further enhances the overall tone of the film, ensuring that we find the characters somewhat engaging, but don't feel too bad if and when they get shredded by bugs. Plus, this creates the opportunity for the supporting cast to shine in a variety of off-beat roles; Jake Busey (son of Gary) and Seth Gilliam (Carver from The Wire) as Ace Levy and Sugar Watkins, two of Johnny's squadmates (man, names in the future are awesome!), Michael Ironside as the badass, one-armed Lt. Rasczak and Neil Patrick Harris as Carl, Johnny's high school BFF turned military intelligence officer.

Any significant amount of time spent on Starship Troopers 3 would be completely wasted, so I'll keep this short. Directed by the screenwriter of the first two films, Marauder finds humanity still waging war against the bugs and finds Johnny Rico and his ex-girlfriend Lola Beck (Jolene Blalock, displaying porn star levels of thespianism) trapped on a bug infested planet where the visiting Sky Marshall has oh who gives a shit.

To start, the effects in this film look worse than any videogame I've seen in the last 5 years. Complete dogshit. This is especially sad, given that the effects of the first film still look great after 13 years. The acting is uniformly terrible, the direction barely competent and Johnny Rico and his Marauders (giant mechanized armor suits) are only in it for about 10 to 15 minutes. We are talking sub-SyFy channel quality here. Also, there's a character named Dix Hauser. That's actually pretty hilarious.

The one remotely interesting aspect of this movie is somewhat botched thanks to all the flaws that I just mentioned and heavy-handed writing, but it's worth mentioning. The film introduces the idea of an anti-war protest movement on earth, which is eventually branded as a terrorist group by the Federation. This is occuring in tandem with a revival of religious fervor, spearheaded by the new Sky Marshall (essentially the president). Religion being all but illegal in this future, the stage is set to explore some interesting issues, but the film never quite gets there. The religious characters are treated as pathetic, crazy or annoying for much of the film, but the ending (spoiler alert, if you care, which you don't) is loaded with religious imagery and people beings saved by taking leaps of faith. All of this is presented with equal amounts of ridiculousness, so it's a bit tough to tell which side the movie is taking, if any. The whole thing is pretty much a giant pile of crap.

But hey, the first one still rules.

UP NEXT: Since I somewhat enjoyed revisiting a beloved movie from my teen years and watching its terrible sequel, I think I'm going to do The Boondock Saints films next. The second one is supposed to be complete ass. And I have a feeling the first one might not hold up too well either.

THE WALKING DEAD Episode 1.1

"Days Gone By"

Sundays 10 pm AMC

Despite my aborted attempt to review Boardwalk Empire on a weekly basis, I have higher hopes for my reviews of The Walking Dead. With a first season of only six episodes and source material that I have a pre-existing affection for, I don't see this being a problem. As a general rule, assume mild to heavy spoilers for each episode I review and mild spoilers for the length of the comic covered by the show. If you'd like a hint of where things are going (although not necessarily, apparently the show plans to deviate considerably from the book), you can pick up the first trade of the comic on Amazon for what I would call a very reasonable price.

The Walking Dead is described by writer/creator Robert Kirkman as "a zombie movie that never ends". Both in concept and execution, the comic book lends itself very well to being adapted into a TV series. And now, given both the ability of premium cable television to produce movie-level shows, in terms of both artistry and production values, as well as the fact that zombies rank just under vampires in terms of current widespread popularity, an adaptation of this seems to be the obvious choice. The story follows Rick Grimes, a sheriff's deputy in rural Georgia who is shot on the job and awakens from a coma about a month later to find that the world has been devastated by a zombie apocalypse. His quest to find his wife and son takes him on a disturbing road trip to an undead-infested Atlanta where things quickly go from bad to way fucking worse.

That blurb pretty much covers the entirety of the plot of the ninety minute premire, as well as the two first issues of the comic (which, despite being slowly paced for a comic, moves considerable faster than the show, at least so far). That said, it is to the great benefit of all involved that the show is on AMC and being executive produced by Frank Darabont. It's often said of AMC's other critically acclaimed shows (Breaking Bad and Mad Men) that the plots are slow burn tension, with weeks worth of episodes consisting of conversation and schemes until something finally gives. Although The Walking Dead premire doesn't skimp on the gore (seriously, so many headshots. The fact that this was only rated TV-14 is frankly unbelievable), it is extremely muted and contemplative by the standards of a zombie film. Barring the opening ten minutes and one other brief scene in the last act, there are only three speaking parts in the entire episode. The show cultivates a feeling of emptiness that, while less viscerally terrifying than say the opening of Zach Snyder's Dawn Of The Dead remake (which also featured a zombie infested suburb, but with way more car crashes and explosions), goes a long way toward making you share in the lonliness of someone like Rick, who has managed to survive a brush with death only to end up losing everything anyway. This can all be summed up in what I found to be the most frightening scene of the premire, in which Rick must make his way down a pitch black flight of stairs using a book of matches to light his way, the darkness as one burns out and he struggles to light another striking a far deeper cord than any of the zombies.

My roommates and I rewatched The Mist last night (which I love) and even thought I was never a huge Frank Darabont fan before that film (holy crap is Shawshank Redemption over-rated), he really seems like the perfect person to be running this show. Two things The Mist does well is unnatural horror in a mundane setting and extremely engrossing scenes of people sitting around talking about what they need to do, both of which a Walking Dead show requires in spades. He also brings an (admittedly very grim) sense of humor to the proceedings, something the book never succeeds at on the rare attempts that it tries. I'm thinking both of the scene where Rick commandeers a child's bicycle to get home following his escape from the hospital and a great moment during the climax which manages to successfully 180 from horrifically bleak to amusingly triumphant in about .7 seconds flat.

Although the comic book has a deeply engrossing plot and a satisfyingly varied cast of characters, Robert Kirkman's dialogue is far too utilitarian and flat to translate to a TV show. His attempts to keep things realistic result in almost every character sounding the same, which makes it harder than it should be to sympathize with them as individuals. Even if the writing for the show doesn't end up being a big step up, the addition of actors to the mix can only help. Andrew Lincoln, the relatively unknown British actor portraying Rick Grimes, is already positive proof of this. Rick is very much an audience surrogate in the book, and although after almost 80 issues, he has developed into a well-rounded character, Lincoln manages to do more with him in 90 minutes than Kirkman was able to do in several years. He's believable as a modern cowboy, riding a horse down an empty freeway with shotguns sticking out of his duffelbag, as well as during the more vulnerable sequences, particularly the one where, upon finding his home empty and family missing, he completely looses his shit and tries to slap himself awake. It's powerful stuff and very important given the depths these characters must display if the plot goes where it's supposed to.

Any worries I had about this show finding an audience were obliterated by today's Nielsen rating reports, which placed the premire at approximately 5.3 million viewers. By way of comparison, the highest rated episode ever of Jersey Shore came in at around 5.2 million. So fuck you, Jersey Shore. Fuck you. Assuming they can continue to meet the extremely high production standard they've set with the premire (which will probably become less of an issue once the show moves to other locations), I think we can expect to get a good long run of this series. And rather than being upset at the clear intention of the show-runners to take liberties with the source material, the comic definitely leaves room for improvement in a number of areas. I look forward to seeing how they work it all out and to writing about it here. Thanks for reading. Catch you next week.

Random observations:

- The realistic attention to mundane details present in the comic is on full display in the show by way of the last gunshot fired in the episode. Yeah, that would totally happen and yeah, it would totally suck.

- The rest of the heavy lifting in this episode (acting-wise) is done by Lennie James, another British actor, who knocks the role of Morgan Jones right out of the park. Morgan is a fairly minor character in the book, but I would be more than fine with them making him a regular in the show. Dude just killed it.

- Major props to Greg Nicotero (of Day Of The Dead and Evil Dead 2 fame) for some of the coolest looking zombie makeup I've ever seen. The zombies have tons of personality and a gaunt, old-school look to them, like the ones from those 70's horror comics I used to read as a kid. And seriously, I can't believe how many headshots they're letting him get away with. Just...awesome.